My mind is going in circles! Something like this:
I can't talk to anyone because no one would take it like I say it. They would read more into it. Even if I told them that's not how it is, they wouldn't believe me. Do I believe me? Or am I kidding myself? Maybe I'm kidding myself... See, I'm doubting it so I must be. Or am I only doubting myself because I questioned myself because other ppl would doubt it?
Why can't I just let it go, if it is what I say it is? Why is it still bothering me? Is it because it's what I say it is or is it something more? Am I capable of what I say it is?
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Bad Day?
Do you ever have bad days? Ever feel like they're all starting to run together into a bad week? Bad month, year, life? I do. Sometimes I get so tired of hearing myself whine. "Not only did this go wrong, but this, this, and this." Like, let's see who can have the worst day....
Did you ever stop to think.. Maybe if everything's going bad I'm just looking at the wrong side of it. Maybe it's just attitude.
Do you think people who enjoy life have no problems? Is there really anyone who has the perfect life? Doesn't everyone feel lonely?
Instead of adding up all the bad things to see just how bad your day is, why not add the good things and thank God for his blessings? Then maybe you'd have a good day, week, month, life.... :)
This blog is more for me than anyone. I need a constant reminder that life is but a vapor and if you don't start enjoying it now you're gonna miss it.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Bubbles...
I was playing with Elijah the other day. I had bought all the kids bubble wands for memorial day weekend and we were playing with his. I would wave the wand and all kinds of bubbles would come floating out. Elijah would get focused on one bubble and chase after it until it popped. Even when I would call to him, trying to get him to see all the bubbles behind him, he would keep chasing that one bubble.
I think we all do that sometimes. We get so focused on that one "bubble" that we really want to catch and we miss all the other bubbles. Even when God calls to us, "look at all the other bubbles I'm sending your way", we're too focused on the bubble we want. Sometimes it's a really big bubble but sometimes it's the smallest bubble of all. But we can't see the bigger bubbles for the one we're chasing after.
I want to see all the bubbles. How 'bout you?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Writing 2
Ok, so I've written more. Have ideas for more. From what I hear, the good writers don't write from Chapter 1 to the end, but for now.. that's how I'm writing. Maybe one day I'll be good. :)
She made her way down the busy sidewalk to the quaint bookstore on the corner. The bookstore was her escape. As she skimmed through the old books she lost herself in the imaginations of the authors. It was so easy to forget reality here. She was easily entranced by the stories, the characters becoming her friends. She laughed as they bantered, cried as they mourned, and rejoiced as they found love. Even long after she left she would think about them, as tho they were real people in her life.
But the moment never lasted. Too soon she would be forced to go home - if you could call it that - to face the harsh reality of her life. She didn't feel sorry for herself. She estimated that her life was normal, even good compared to some. She had everything she needed, physically. Food, shelter, clothing.. It was her emotional life that suffered. But emotional peace and happiness was something for fairy tales. No one is really happy in this life. Anyway, that's what she told herself. It was her only hope, her only consulation.
She'd considered her options, but none of them seemed realistic. Besides, how could she leave him? He was not capable of living on his own, no matter what he said. She knew if she left him it would only be a matter of time. He could not survive. Oh, sure, he could take care of himself. But emotionally? He would snap. He needed her. There was no other answer.
Perhaps if she were patient, time would heal him and she would be free. But how much time? It had already been almost 3 1/2 years and he seemed no better than the day after the accident. The people in the community thought he was better, thought he had moved on. He had gone back to work two weeks after the funeral. He put flowers on the grave every holiday. He had joined a church and said God was changing his life. He wanted no pity. He said God had allowed it for a reason, and who was he to argue with God? He would not even allow her to show him pity. So she, too, pretended she thought he was ok. But she knew better. She lived with him after all. She could see through his facade. He was too happy. Too holy. Too strong. And he had blocked her out. That's what told her the most. They had always been close, never keeping secrets. But the night of the accident was the last time he'd let her in.
Her mind went back to the nightmare life had made reality. The weather warnings had flashed on the tv screen, but she'd ignored them. So when the tornado hit they were completely unprepared. She could still hear the screaming through the roar of wind, and could feel the terror as the house was lifted off the foundation, knocking the couch she was sitting on over her like a shield. God, everyone said, had done a miracle. But where was God when Emma needed shelter? Emma was beaten to death by the wind and debri. She was hardly recognizable. While Mari, herself, was hardly scratched. Why had she ignored the warnings? If she had Emma might still be with them! But Mark always said God must've needed Emma in heaven. If Mark could survive on such pretenses, who was she to shatter his world? But a God who would take a two year old baby, while protecting it's mother? This was not a God she cared to know about.
She made her way down the busy sidewalk to the quaint bookstore on the corner. The bookstore was her escape. As she skimmed through the old books she lost herself in the imaginations of the authors. It was so easy to forget reality here. She was easily entranced by the stories, the characters becoming her friends. She laughed as they bantered, cried as they mourned, and rejoiced as they found love. Even long after she left she would think about them, as tho they were real people in her life.
But the moment never lasted. Too soon she would be forced to go home - if you could call it that - to face the harsh reality of her life. She didn't feel sorry for herself. She estimated that her life was normal, even good compared to some. She had everything she needed, physically. Food, shelter, clothing.. It was her emotional life that suffered. But emotional peace and happiness was something for fairy tales. No one is really happy in this life. Anyway, that's what she told herself. It was her only hope, her only consulation.
She'd considered her options, but none of them seemed realistic. Besides, how could she leave him? He was not capable of living on his own, no matter what he said. She knew if she left him it would only be a matter of time. He could not survive. Oh, sure, he could take care of himself. But emotionally? He would snap. He needed her. There was no other answer.
Perhaps if she were patient, time would heal him and she would be free. But how much time? It had already been almost 3 1/2 years and he seemed no better than the day after the accident. The people in the community thought he was better, thought he had moved on. He had gone back to work two weeks after the funeral. He put flowers on the grave every holiday. He had joined a church and said God was changing his life. He wanted no pity. He said God had allowed it for a reason, and who was he to argue with God? He would not even allow her to show him pity. So she, too, pretended she thought he was ok. But she knew better. She lived with him after all. She could see through his facade. He was too happy. Too holy. Too strong. And he had blocked her out. That's what told her the most. They had always been close, never keeping secrets. But the night of the accident was the last time he'd let her in.
Her mind went back to the nightmare life had made reality. The weather warnings had flashed on the tv screen, but she'd ignored them. So when the tornado hit they were completely unprepared. She could still hear the screaming through the roar of wind, and could feel the terror as the house was lifted off the foundation, knocking the couch she was sitting on over her like a shield. God, everyone said, had done a miracle. But where was God when Emma needed shelter? Emma was beaten to death by the wind and debri. She was hardly recognizable. While Mari, herself, was hardly scratched. Why had she ignored the warnings? If she had Emma might still be with them! But Mark always said God must've needed Emma in heaven. If Mark could survive on such pretenses, who was she to shatter his world? But a God who would take a two year old baby, while protecting it's mother? This was not a God she cared to know about.
Writing
I have a dream of writing, as you may know. I have written a few things and I think I could do well with it, but I freeze because my mind won't stop editing. I need to just let my thoughts flow onto "paper" and stop worrying about whether or not they're perfect.
I thought I'd try a writing exercise on you. I have no idea what I'm going to write about. Even at this very moment, I have not a clue. here goes nothing.....
She made her way down the busy sidewalk to the quaint bookstore on the corner. The bookstore was her escape. As she skimmed through the old books she lost herself in the imaginations of the authors. It was so easy to forget reality here. She was easily entranced by the stories, the characters becoming her friends. She laughed as they bantered, cried as they mourned, and rejoiced as they found love. Even long after she left she would think about them, as tho they were real people in her life.
I continued writing after this, but it was taking me down a dark trail, one that I couldn't leave hanging... So once I can bring some sort of satisfaction for the reader, I will post the rest. :)
I thought I'd try a writing exercise on you. I have no idea what I'm going to write about. Even at this very moment, I have not a clue. here goes nothing.....
She made her way down the busy sidewalk to the quaint bookstore on the corner. The bookstore was her escape. As she skimmed through the old books she lost herself in the imaginations of the authors. It was so easy to forget reality here. She was easily entranced by the stories, the characters becoming her friends. She laughed as they bantered, cried as they mourned, and rejoiced as they found love. Even long after she left she would think about them, as tho they were real people in her life.
I continued writing after this, but it was taking me down a dark trail, one that I couldn't leave hanging... So once I can bring some sort of satisfaction for the reader, I will post the rest. :)
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sick and Bored
Warning: may contain whining and self-pity.
I'm so bored! And my house is a wreck.. *hush, Amy* And I ache all over!!! I meant to take some ibuprofen but I forgot to get it before I sat down and now I don't feel like getting up. I took a bath, but I kept feeling like I was going to smother for some reason. I'd start falling asleep and then I'd feel all panicky because I couldn't breath. It was very strange.
Anyway.. I could write, but I don't really feel like writing.
Nettie and Chris are probably coming to bring stuff for my cellar due to possible tornados tonight. I really hope there's no tornados. I don't feel like getting out.
I need to drink some water. And I need some chapstick. My lips hurt real bad!
I'm so bored! And my house is a wreck.. *hush, Amy* And I ache all over!!! I meant to take some ibuprofen but I forgot to get it before I sat down and now I don't feel like getting up. I took a bath, but I kept feeling like I was going to smother for some reason. I'd start falling asleep and then I'd feel all panicky because I couldn't breath. It was very strange.
Anyway.. I could write, but I don't really feel like writing.
Nettie and Chris are probably coming to bring stuff for my cellar due to possible tornados tonight. I really hope there's no tornados. I don't feel like getting out.
I need to drink some water. And I need some chapstick. My lips hurt real bad!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Why? 60-1126
I heard this and it brought tears to my eyes. I felt led to post it. Hope someone is blessed by it.
And you see, Divine healing does not lay in a man anyhow. See? It's in a finished work, your faith in a finished work. And a gift of healing is merely a gift of faith for healing. See? Now, a gift of healing does not have to even be a pastor. It can be a--a lay member. The laity can have the same thing. See?
I remember one time at Meridian, Mississippi, I believe it was. I was holding a meeting, and it was raining. I was there with a man named Brother--he was one of the cooperating ministers or he was one that was sponsoring it through this other churches. Seems to me like his name was either Bigsby, or Busby, or something like that, down in Mississippi: Busby, that's probably who it was, a football player used to be.
And it was in an auditorium, and there was a tes--testimony came which was astounding, and the testimony was, that I sent Billy down to give out prayer cards so that they won't have like an arena. It's a--it's a church, although it was a auditorium, but we're still it's church as long the church is meeting there. That wherever it is that's... The people are the church, the called out.L-5 And the testimony came in later, that there was a little lady setting on the front seat, just a common little church girl that, little mother, and there was another lady walking back and forth with a baby. And the baby was wrapped up in a blanket, and it was raining and the little lady could have no place to set down. It was just packed and jammed out into the streets, and the people standing with umbrellas.
And so this little lady setting there, the Holy Spirit spoke to her (just a little member of the Body of Christ), and she said... The Holy Spirit said to her, "Go, pray for that baby." And when the lady turned, she was holding a prayer card in her hand.
Oh, she said, "Father, I--I cannot go pray for that baby. Brother Branham will pray for that baby tonight." Like that had anything to do with it, but she said, "I--I just can't pray for that baby."
And as she walked back and forth, it just kept getting on her heart more and more. "Go pray for that baby." And finally she said, perhaps maybe to get it off of my heart, I can just give the lady my seat anyhow, because she looked like she was worn out, and said if the...L-6 She said, "How do you do, sister?" Said, "You--you look so tired with the baby and I--I'm not... Haven't got my baby, so would you just take my seat and set down here."
And she said, "Thank you, sister. I don't want to take your seat."
She said, "Yes, you must do it, because I--I see that you're tired and worn out." Well, she set down. She said, "Just before you set down," said, "I notice that you have a prayer card in your hand."
Said, "Yes, the young man gave it to me a few moments ago as he went out the door."
And said, "Well, Brother Branham is going to pray for your baby tonight."
She said, "I hope so. I hope my number's called tonight."
And she said, "Oh, I--I'll pray that Brother Branham will call your number tonight." And then she said, "If I'll, being a Christian, I--I just can't get it off my heart so if you will just excuse me, would--it would relieve my feelings if you would just let me say a little prayer for your baby?"
"Why," she said, "Certainly, darling. Go ahead and pray for the baby."L-7 And she held it out and the little mother laid her hands upon the little baby crying and said, "Lord, I--I do this, because to take it off my heart. I pray that You'll heal the baby when Your servant, Brother Branham, comes and prays for it. Let it be healed." And she set down, the other lady with the baby, and this lady goes and climbs a way up in the balcony. I believe it had two balconies, and she was in the top balcony.
That about five minutes after that I come in, and after I got through preaching I said, "I'll call prayer cards number 25 to 50," or something like that. You know the way I usually do, start along somewhere, where the cards are mixed up and just call a group out so that the people won't rally, "I got number 1 or number 2" or whatever it is.L-8 And happened to be that this lady was about the third or fourth one in the line. Well, the little mother up in the building, you know, up in the top she was so happy. She said, "Oh, thank you, Lord. Oh, I'm so glad for that little mother; that was on my heart so for that poor little sick baby."
When the little baby got into the prayer line and come up close to where we were standing--where I was standing, I looked at her. Now, we got it on the tape, you know, and said... That's how I caught it, and it said, "Sister," said, "your baby is--is suffering with a (I forget what it was), some kind of a disease or trouble." Said, "You've come from a certain place, and you are so and so, Mrs. Certain Name," and said, "but your baby is already healed." Said, "Because the Holy Spirit spoke to that little lady standing up there in the balcony. She's already prayed the prayer of faith for your baby." See?
The compassion of that mother for the baby would've went far beyond what I'd have had for it. You see? So the gift of healing... If God ever speaks to your heart to go pray for somebody, you do what God tells you to do. See, see? Always follow the Holy Spirit.
And you see, Divine healing does not lay in a man anyhow. See? It's in a finished work, your faith in a finished work. And a gift of healing is merely a gift of faith for healing. See? Now, a gift of healing does not have to even be a pastor. It can be a--a lay member. The laity can have the same thing. See?
I remember one time at Meridian, Mississippi, I believe it was. I was holding a meeting, and it was raining. I was there with a man named Brother--he was one of the cooperating ministers or he was one that was sponsoring it through this other churches. Seems to me like his name was either Bigsby, or Busby, or something like that, down in Mississippi: Busby, that's probably who it was, a football player used to be.
And it was in an auditorium, and there was a tes--testimony came which was astounding, and the testimony was, that I sent Billy down to give out prayer cards so that they won't have like an arena. It's a--it's a church, although it was a auditorium, but we're still it's church as long the church is meeting there. That wherever it is that's... The people are the church, the called out.L-5 And the testimony came in later, that there was a little lady setting on the front seat, just a common little church girl that, little mother, and there was another lady walking back and forth with a baby. And the baby was wrapped up in a blanket, and it was raining and the little lady could have no place to set down. It was just packed and jammed out into the streets, and the people standing with umbrellas.
And so this little lady setting there, the Holy Spirit spoke to her (just a little member of the Body of Christ), and she said... The Holy Spirit said to her, "Go, pray for that baby." And when the lady turned, she was holding a prayer card in her hand.
Oh, she said, "Father, I--I cannot go pray for that baby. Brother Branham will pray for that baby tonight." Like that had anything to do with it, but she said, "I--I just can't pray for that baby."
And as she walked back and forth, it just kept getting on her heart more and more. "Go pray for that baby." And finally she said, perhaps maybe to get it off of my heart, I can just give the lady my seat anyhow, because she looked like she was worn out, and said if the...L-6 She said, "How do you do, sister?" Said, "You--you look so tired with the baby and I--I'm not... Haven't got my baby, so would you just take my seat and set down here."
And she said, "Thank you, sister. I don't want to take your seat."
She said, "Yes, you must do it, because I--I see that you're tired and worn out." Well, she set down. She said, "Just before you set down," said, "I notice that you have a prayer card in your hand."
Said, "Yes, the young man gave it to me a few moments ago as he went out the door."
And said, "Well, Brother Branham is going to pray for your baby tonight."
She said, "I hope so. I hope my number's called tonight."
And she said, "Oh, I--I'll pray that Brother Branham will call your number tonight." And then she said, "If I'll, being a Christian, I--I just can't get it off my heart so if you will just excuse me, would--it would relieve my feelings if you would just let me say a little prayer for your baby?"
"Why," she said, "Certainly, darling. Go ahead and pray for the baby."L-7 And she held it out and the little mother laid her hands upon the little baby crying and said, "Lord, I--I do this, because to take it off my heart. I pray that You'll heal the baby when Your servant, Brother Branham, comes and prays for it. Let it be healed." And she set down, the other lady with the baby, and this lady goes and climbs a way up in the balcony. I believe it had two balconies, and she was in the top balcony.
That about five minutes after that I come in, and after I got through preaching I said, "I'll call prayer cards number 25 to 50," or something like that. You know the way I usually do, start along somewhere, where the cards are mixed up and just call a group out so that the people won't rally, "I got number 1 or number 2" or whatever it is.L-8 And happened to be that this lady was about the third or fourth one in the line. Well, the little mother up in the building, you know, up in the top she was so happy. She said, "Oh, thank you, Lord. Oh, I'm so glad for that little mother; that was on my heart so for that poor little sick baby."
When the little baby got into the prayer line and come up close to where we were standing--where I was standing, I looked at her. Now, we got it on the tape, you know, and said... That's how I caught it, and it said, "Sister," said, "your baby is--is suffering with a (I forget what it was), some kind of a disease or trouble." Said, "You've come from a certain place, and you are so and so, Mrs. Certain Name," and said, "but your baby is already healed." Said, "Because the Holy Spirit spoke to that little lady standing up there in the balcony. She's already prayed the prayer of faith for your baby." See?
The compassion of that mother for the baby would've went far beyond what I'd have had for it. You see? So the gift of healing... If God ever speaks to your heart to go pray for somebody, you do what God tells you to do. See, see? Always follow the Holy Spirit.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The battle has been won!!
Thank you so much for your prayers. I still need them, cause the devil is still "roaming to and fro".
We had a most awesome service tonight! The sermon was about knowing who you are and standing on that. He talked about Shamgar and how he fought those philistines because he realized who he was. During the middle of the sermon everyone was just crying and praying. And after the service we had a prayer line. He had everyone pray for everybody, laying hands on each person.
But when I really got the victory was when he said, the devil has been run out of this place, but he's waiting just outside. And something in me said, God, I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!! I cannot live another day without you. Nothing in my life is more important than you. Please don't let me leave here without you. And, just as His Word says, when you reach the point of desperation, and you know you can't go on another day, He'll be there and he'll hear your prayer. I have never been so desperate for God in my entire life. And I know I have the victory!!
And I know the devil is just waiting to pounce on me. Probably tomorrow morning when my alarm goes off in time for prayer, if not before. And he'll be ready with all his lies. But I serve the Living God Who is greater than the devil and his legions and lies!!!
We had a most awesome service tonight! The sermon was about knowing who you are and standing on that. He talked about Shamgar and how he fought those philistines because he realized who he was. During the middle of the sermon everyone was just crying and praying. And after the service we had a prayer line. He had everyone pray for everybody, laying hands on each person.
But when I really got the victory was when he said, the devil has been run out of this place, but he's waiting just outside. And something in me said, God, I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!! I cannot live another day without you. Nothing in my life is more important than you. Please don't let me leave here without you. And, just as His Word says, when you reach the point of desperation, and you know you can't go on another day, He'll be there and he'll hear your prayer. I have never been so desperate for God in my entire life. And I know I have the victory!!
And I know the devil is just waiting to pounce on me. Probably tomorrow morning when my alarm goes off in time for prayer, if not before. And he'll be ready with all his lies. But I serve the Living God Who is greater than the devil and his legions and lies!!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
My weekend..
As promised, tho a little later than planned, here is my trip last weekend:
So Friday night I pull into town. I meet up with my wonderful friend, Ashley B (she will probably read this, thus.. well, anyway.. :) So I'm getting out of my car and *get this* I run into my rearview mirror!!! I mean, I hit it hard! Smashed my thumb really hard. Still hurts. And this morning I realized I have a bruise on my side that's about the same size as my thumb..... nice. Bet you've never done that...
Anyway... Ashley is a friend from the bank (tho we were much better friends than just coworkers) so I went with her to see the call center *where I used to work*. Partly because I wanted to see all the wonderful ppl (all two of them, the rest were all newbies. It was late in the day..) and partly because they recently renovated the call center. It's AWESOME! I can't believe they waited until AFTER I left....
So after that Ashley and I did a bit of shopping, then we had dinner with some of my other friends from the bank. We still stay in touch ALL the time (pretty much every day) via email, so it was really good to see them again.
After dinner Ashley and I decided to go see a movie. Fun stuff! :) I miss Ashley so much. :( Anyway....
Saturday morning I woke up shortly after 7:00. Yes, AM. And I couldn't go back to sleep because my allergies were choking me and the sun was streaming in on my face. Plus when I got up to go to the bathroom my mom came downstairs and so.. Mom and I visited for a while then decided to go garage saling. We had a good time, despite the fact that I was sneezing and my nose and eyes were running.. So we went to wm and got some allergy medicine. I don't like to take allergy medicine, I prefer herbs and such, but I was NOT about to let allergies ruin my weekend.
Well, the combination of allergies, getting up early, and the "non-drowsy" allergy medicine made me sleepy so I took a nap. Allergies REALLY suck...
Then Ashley Miller called and said she was ready to go. So I picked her up, we made a "quick" stop at neighborhood market, then to creekmore park for Stephen's b'day party. He'll be 2 April 21. We had his party early because my dad is leaving tonight to go to Honduras.
Stephen's party was a success! It was a perfect day, warm, not too windy... Apparently everyone else thought so too.. The park was PACKED. They grilled hot dogs and we had chips and such. Then Elij- I mean- stephen (that's what I did ALL weekend.. haha.) opened all his birthday presents. At first he didn't get the hang of it and was NOT happy when mommy took his new toy away. But he caught on pretty quick that there was MORE!! :) And, of course, he loved the new scooter that Brandon and Mary got him. Wore Brandon out, cause he had to walk beside him and help him steer. haha.
While we were at the park these two guys came to the park in girls' clothes. Like, the one dude was wearing a long shirt and leggings and the other guy was wearing a short white skirt with flowers and a shrug.... So that was kinda weird.. rumors say it was a dare or a school project.. not sure which.. But there was a girl following them with a camera.. ANYway... It was weird and we were all relieved when they finally left.
Sunday I woke up miserable. Took me, like, forever to eat breakfast cause I couldn't breath through my nose and it kept running and I kept sneezing. But finally I got through it and started feeling better. So we went to church. Stephen sat with me. He's such a cutie! He'll sing the songs, but he's, like, a line behind everyone else because he's just repeating what you say. haha. Sunday evening my Uncle Jerry preached a really good sermon about praying for revelation.
Sunday evening I went back to mom and Dad's. I had most of stephen's presents in my car, so I had to unload them and pack everything up. Then I visited with mom and dad for a bit. Headed home around 6:45.
It was a great weekend, minus the allergies. I really enjoyed it. Made me really miss everyone there. But one good thing: moving away from my parents has REALLY made me appreciate them more.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
busy-ness
This is the post that I "lost"... Just discovered that I didn't actually lose it...
So I'm about to start my evening and it's going to be pretty much non-stop from here til Sunday evening. Gotta clean church, go to wm, come home, pack, up tomorrow to work 7-3 (blech) then driving to ft smith. Once in ft smith, I'm going to meet up with my best friend, Ashley B, hang out til 7:00, go to dinner at chili's with my peeps from Arvest, go to my parents, get some sleep. Up Saturday (at a late hour, hopefully, but doubtfully...) for a birthday party at 3:00. Before the party I have to go by and see the new and improved call center because I'm sure it's fabulous. And lots of stuff in between. Sunday is church, of course. I guess there'll be an evening service, which will be the first Sunday evening service I've attended since...? December? Not sure... Anyway, more hangin and yackin, then headed home to get a wink or two of sleep before work on Monday.
Can't believe it's already been a week since Rachel came down and we went to Branson. Good times. That'll be a weekend to remember.
Oh, since I'm blogging instead of dropping a line on facebook, I should tell about our adventures.. Actually, I should go change the letters on the church b'day board.. Maybe another time.
Peace!
So I'm about to start my evening and it's going to be pretty much non-stop from here til Sunday evening. Gotta clean church, go to wm, come home, pack, up tomorrow to work 7-3 (blech) then driving to ft smith. Once in ft smith, I'm going to meet up with my best friend, Ashley B, hang out til 7:00, go to dinner at chili's with my peeps from Arvest, go to my parents, get some sleep. Up Saturday (at a late hour, hopefully, but doubtfully...) for a birthday party at 3:00. Before the party I have to go by and see the new and improved call center because I'm sure it's fabulous. And lots of stuff in between. Sunday is church, of course. I guess there'll be an evening service, which will be the first Sunday evening service I've attended since...? December? Not sure... Anyway, more hangin and yackin, then headed home to get a wink or two of sleep before work on Monday.
Can't believe it's already been a week since Rachel came down and we went to Branson. Good times. That'll be a weekend to remember.
Oh, since I'm blogging instead of dropping a line on facebook, I should tell about our adventures.. Actually, I should go change the letters on the church b'day board.. Maybe another time.
Peace!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Great
Today (or yesterday...?) I was falling asleep on my desk. Literally. I was having dreams. (Doesn't take much of a doze for me to dream, but still...) So I came home and took a nap. Didn't mean to take a long one. Just wanted to get some sleep. I slept for two hours. Then I got up, made fried chicken, curly fries, biscuits and mac and cheese (very healthy, I know), drank a dr pepper, and watched a movie. Around 11:30 I said, I NEED to get to bed. So I went to bed. Slept a few minutes. Now I'm wide awake. I feel fine, just a little stressed about not getting enough sleep.....
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Ella Elf
Deep in the forest lived a little elf named Fred. He was in love with a fairy princess named Tibet. But she would have none of it. She did not like his funny ears.
Tibet was not a very nice fairy. She would turn the elves’ cookies into carrot sticks because they needed to “lose weight”. She spent hours looking into the stream to make sure her skin was flawless and her perfect body was still perfect. She and all her little fairy friends would flit about and laugh at the elves while they worked.
There was another little elf. Her name was Ella. Ella loved Fred but Fred didn’t know it because he was too busy watching Tibet. Ella was a quiet elf, too shy to tell anyone she loved Fred. So she went on her way, just loving him.
Then one day she realized he was a shallow jerk because he loved Tibet because she was pretty. So she determined in her heart that she would NOT pine after Fred. Fred would become fairy dust in her mind.
She focused all her energy on her work: making rocks for new stream bottoms. She made them nice and smooth and almost shiny. Sometimes, when Fred would not leave her mind alone she would make sharp rocks and imagine him wading through the stream and stepping on them.
One day a new elf stumbled into the forest. This elf was named Jack. He had been injured by a deer. The deer had not meant to injure him. He was running and didn’t see Jack. But Jack could barely walk and could travel no further.
Ella took Jack into her tree and nursed him back to health. While nursing him she learned that his previous home had been destroyed by fire. He had fought til the end, trying to put out the fire. He was not successful and now he was looking for a new village to live in.
As Jack’s health improved he helped Ella with anything he could. Her tree was always clean when she came home from making rocks. Her bed of leaves were always in perfect order, more comfortable than she herself could ever arrange them. He even made her a new bench to sit on.
One day Ella realized she no longer thought about shallow Fred. She hadn’t made a single sharp rock in a week. Instead, her rocks were shiny now, smoother than ever before. And she realized she had been thinking of Jack the whole time.
She wondered what Jack thought of Tibet and her friends. Did he, like Fred, prefer them to her? They were much more beautiful to be sure. But did beauty matter to him or perhaps could he see past the outside to see what was hidden inside her. She wasn’t even sure what all was inside her. She was afraid to discover, lest it really wasn’t any better than Tibet and her friends. Alas, she had made sharp rocks in hopes that Fred would step on them! Surely that meant she was selfish and no good. Ah, but she was probably just as bad as Tibet. Given Tibet’s power, maybe she would turn elves’ cookies to carrot sticks.
Then one day Jack announced he was leaving. He was recovered, she had to admit. Had been for days, but she hadn’t said anything because she really didn’t want him to leave. He had become a friend to her, if nothing more. And he hadn’t said if he was choosing this village or maybe he was leaving for good! She said goodbye and cried as she worked, her rocks again losing their shine.
Jack had been gone for two weeks when Ella decided she must put him out of her mind as well. Apparently he was not coming back and her rocks had become sharp again. She was successful, mostly. At least her rocks were smooth again. Mostly.
One day she was cleaning her tree when there was a knock at the door. It was Jack. He professed his undying love for her. They were married that day and Jack took her away to a beautiful, flower-filled meadow where she no longer had to make rocks. She could do whatever she liked. So they had three baby elves and they lived happily ever after.
Restless...?
I don't know what my deal is tonight. I feel kinda.. sad..? I don't know. I can't decide exactly what it is I'm feeling.. But motivated is NOT it. I don't want to do anything online, but yet I can't get off the couch. I don't want to clean, but I don't want to not clean. I just can't explain it. I feel a little lost... and.. homesick...
Monday, March 15, 2010
Home phone!
I'm so excited! I'm getting a home phone! I've been wanting to get one ever since moving here, so this is just wonderful!! And I'll be getting internet, so no more of this wishy washy stuff. :)
In other news, I'm slightly disappointed on how little I'm enjoying this blog... And that I haven't taken up writing.... Ok, I'm going to write something. This is fresh. Please! Constructive criticism only! And if it's cliche.. well, I'm sorry.
It was a beautiful spring day. The sun was shining brightly and the sound of birds singing filled the air. The flowers were just blooming, still too shy to show their face. The ground was still cool, not yet warmed from winter. Too cold to go barefoot, yet my feet couldn't stand it any longer. My mother always said the first of May, but I just couldn't bear to wear shoes another day. And April 4th is nearly the first of May. Winter was over and I was celebrating. Sniffles wouldn't kill me.
I walked along the creek bank, sandals in hand, enjoying the energetic peace of being alone with nature. Well, mostly alone. The sound of children playing could be heard in the distance, but far enough away that it was pleasant. I prayed and daydreamed and thought random thoughts, letting my mind wander where it would. Soon enough I would have to focus on unpleasant things. But for now, I would enjoy this moment.
In other news, I'm slightly disappointed on how little I'm enjoying this blog... And that I haven't taken up writing.... Ok, I'm going to write something. This is fresh. Please! Constructive criticism only! And if it's cliche.. well, I'm sorry.
It was a beautiful spring day. The sun was shining brightly and the sound of birds singing filled the air. The flowers were just blooming, still too shy to show their face. The ground was still cool, not yet warmed from winter. Too cold to go barefoot, yet my feet couldn't stand it any longer. My mother always said the first of May, but I just couldn't bear to wear shoes another day. And April 4th is nearly the first of May. Winter was over and I was celebrating. Sniffles wouldn't kill me.
I walked along the creek bank, sandals in hand, enjoying the energetic peace of being alone with nature. Well, mostly alone. The sound of children playing could be heard in the distance, but far enough away that it was pleasant. I prayed and daydreamed and thought random thoughts, letting my mind wander where it would. Soon enough I would have to focus on unpleasant things. But for now, I would enjoy this moment.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Super excited!!
We're going to see Tim Hawkins tonight!! WOOT WOOT!! I'm so excited! I really hope we get good seats! Tho, if Amy and John don't get here soon we'll be lucky to GET a seat! :) Ok, so I bought the tickets a month ago, but still! :)
My house is clean again! Don't get me wrong, I try and keep it mostly clean. But I haven't had a mop and I kept putting off cleaning the bathroom (gross, I know) but I finally cleaned it today!
My house is clean again! Don't get me wrong, I try and keep it mostly clean. But I haven't had a mop and I kept putting off cleaning the bathroom (gross, I know) but I finally cleaned it today!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Spring!
Spring is in the air! I'm so glad I don't have to drag my coat around anymore! I have little yellow flowers coming up in my yard and other things that I'm not sure what they are yet coming up in my flower bed. I'm hoping something really nice.. I need something to dress up my house a bit.
I walked home on lunch. I don't know that I'll make a habit of it. It takes too long. I had to eat on my way back. But it was nice for a change. I really enjoyed it. I heard a tiller on the way back. Made me think of dad. Then I got to thinking about how we kids and mom used to walk to town. Just want to be a kid again.
Nettie and I took off early to go see grampa. He seemed in good spirits. He was playing Scrabble on Aunt Liz's laptop. Looked weird. Then he got a phone call on a cell phone. That REALLY looked weird. Shoulda taken a pic. :) Gramma seemed in good spirits, but she's really worn out. She gets so confused. It's so sad. But we had a good visit.
Mikah came home with me. We're going shopping tomorrow! And Sunday is Kidz Church! :) Fun fun fun!!
She tells us on the way home, "I had a tattoo. It was a nudicorn." LOL!!! Then she was telling us about the "rhino or whatever it's called" on Discovery channel that had a string in it's "thin" (fin. It was a dolphin, or so it seems.) and it was pregnic. lol. She can count to 100. She did so twice. :) Actually the second time it was 124. Then I think she got bored. She cracks me up!
I guess I should head to bed... No sleeping in tomorrow! I'll be lucky to make it to 8:00.
I walked home on lunch. I don't know that I'll make a habit of it. It takes too long. I had to eat on my way back. But it was nice for a change. I really enjoyed it. I heard a tiller on the way back. Made me think of dad. Then I got to thinking about how we kids and mom used to walk to town. Just want to be a kid again.
Nettie and I took off early to go see grampa. He seemed in good spirits. He was playing Scrabble on Aunt Liz's laptop. Looked weird. Then he got a phone call on a cell phone. That REALLY looked weird. Shoulda taken a pic. :) Gramma seemed in good spirits, but she's really worn out. She gets so confused. It's so sad. But we had a good visit.
Mikah came home with me. We're going shopping tomorrow! And Sunday is Kidz Church! :) Fun fun fun!!
She tells us on the way home, "I had a tattoo. It was a nudicorn." LOL!!! Then she was telling us about the "rhino or whatever it's called" on Discovery channel that had a string in it's "thin" (fin. It was a dolphin, or so it seems.) and it was pregnic. lol. She can count to 100. She did so twice. :) Actually the second time it was 124. Then I think she got bored. She cracks me up!
I guess I should head to bed... No sleeping in tomorrow! I'll be lucky to make it to 8:00.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Writing
I was sitting at work with nothing to do, so I decided to try writing. I simply took a name and started creating the person to whom the name belonged to. It was amazing how easily the words flowed! Ok, it was all pretty cliche. But still!! It's a start.
See, I'm terrified to even try because I'm afraid I'll just lock up and won't be able to think of a thing to say. The writing I've done lately has been written when the words were flowing through my brain anyway. So to try and sit and write something that hasn't yet been formed as a thought.. It's scary. I can't really describe it... I just want to be able to write so bad! If I'm not successful I will be so disappointed.
See, I'm terrified to even try because I'm afraid I'll just lock up and won't be able to think of a thing to say. The writing I've done lately has been written when the words were flowing through my brain anyway. So to try and sit and write something that hasn't yet been formed as a thought.. It's scary. I can't really describe it... I just want to be able to write so bad! If I'm not successful I will be so disappointed.
Dreams
I dream every night. Sometimes several dreams in one night. Sometimes one big long dream with several high points that don't really tie together, but in my dream they did.
Last night I dreamed Matthew McConaughey was at our house. Like, he and a couple of other ppl. He was just a real guy. Like, he seemed like an old friend. We were sad when he had to leave and he seemed sad too. He also caught me blogging about it in my dream. hahaha. It was a really fun dream. Which is good, because lately I've been dreaming a lot of really bizarre stuff that is sometimes a bit haunting....
Last night I dreamed Matthew McConaughey was at our house. Like, he and a couple of other ppl. He was just a real guy. Like, he seemed like an old friend. We were sad when he had to leave and he seemed sad too. He also caught me blogging about it in my dream. hahaha. It was a really fun dream. Which is good, because lately I've been dreaming a lot of really bizarre stuff that is sometimes a bit haunting....
Monday, March 1, 2010
And here begins...
I'm not sure what, really.. Other than a blog no one will read. But that's ok. Because I like to write. And it gives me another place to practice my creative writing. :)
Note to self: Take more pics! You have no good pics of your neices and nephews, and that's just sad.
What's sadder.. more sad? anyway.. sad to a greater degree.. is, I'm missing my beautiful niece in her most precious months. But I have peace, knowing I am where God has called me to be.
Speaking of God and calling.. I really need to go over the puppet skit I'm doing in kidz church next weekend! Wow! It snuck up on me! Can't believe it's already been a month.. Really looking forward to being a part, tho I'm a bit nervous... But they're kids, and the beautiful thing is, they'll love it even if I don't do it perfectly.
Well.. I need to decide.. Spend a few more minutes online then go to bed or watch a movie, meaning I'll be up a tad late? Not like I'm going to expend my energy on the job.. And I'll fall asleep either way.. But I WOULD like to get a recipe for hot spinach dip... Another day, perhaps.. not like I'm going to make it tomorrow...
Alright, I guess that means goodnight, all! Or goodnight me... I guess..
Note to self: Take more pics! You have no good pics of your neices and nephews, and that's just sad.
What's sadder.. more sad? anyway.. sad to a greater degree.. is, I'm missing my beautiful niece in her most precious months. But I have peace, knowing I am where God has called me to be.
Speaking of God and calling.. I really need to go over the puppet skit I'm doing in kidz church next weekend! Wow! It snuck up on me! Can't believe it's already been a month.. Really looking forward to being a part, tho I'm a bit nervous... But they're kids, and the beautiful thing is, they'll love it even if I don't do it perfectly.
Well.. I need to decide.. Spend a few more minutes online then go to bed or watch a movie, meaning I'll be up a tad late? Not like I'm going to expend my energy on the job.. And I'll fall asleep either way.. But I WOULD like to get a recipe for hot spinach dip... Another day, perhaps.. not like I'm going to make it tomorrow...
Alright, I guess that means goodnight, all! Or goodnight me... I guess..
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